I was a Banker in Manhattan

I was living and working in Manhattan when my friends sabotaged me over a girl named Devra.  I met Devra through her brother Dan.  I met Dan though my childhood friend Greg.  Dan and Greg were fraternity brothers.  I got to know Dan between 1999 and 2001.  Dan and I became very close.  

​Devra and I had become friends though email.  She was living in Seattle and I was in Manhattan.  I told my friend Greg that Devra and I were getting acquainted. I could tell he was jealous by the tone in his voice when he asked why we were talking.  Everyone knew Greg had a huge crush on Devra. I respected that. But I just spoke to him a few days ago and he brought up Devra.  I have not spoken to my friend in 10 years and we are talking about Devra? No judgement from me, but my old friend recently converted to Christianity.  He was literally preaching the "sins of the flesh" just before he brings up Devra.  Since we are doing the Christianity thing, I think there's a quote in the Bible that goes something like, "How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye?"  I think its Luke 6:42 or something like that.

FUN FACT: Sexual repression will make people want what they cannot have. So even if you're not attracted to a person, by restricting yourself, you inherently become attracted to that person you're trying not to be attracted to.  It's human psychology. You can look it up. Or just ask Sigmund Freud. 

​​Anyways, back to the story. I was dating a woman named Karla at the time.  She really wasn't interested in me except that I paid for her to move to New York City.  I was totally in love with her.  I wanted to marry her but she was just using me.  After about a year and a half, I figured it out. So I was planning to break up with Karla after my cousin's wedding in Las Vegas.  Then, I'd be free to explore my feelings for Devra. Instead, my friends sabotaged me and cut me off at the same time when I broke up with Karla. I was alone for the very first time in Manhattan.  Spoiler alert: I spent the next 20 years not socializing with any friends. 

During that time, I became depressed, even suicidal.  I had to see two doctors 4 times a week.  I was on 5 different medications, including Prozac.  I can tell you some stories about Prozac.  The fact is pharmaceuticals do not work.  They also have side effects. They can make things worse.  Much worse. In my case, Prozac made me very uninhibited.  Prozac made me think I should quit my job and become a bartender.  Prozac will also make a person feel "okay" with their life even if their feelings are telling them to do something different.  

​Prozac also made me think I could actually date someone as hot as Devra.  Devra was way out my league. And she was my best friend's sister.  They were both very conservative, intelligent and artistic people.  I did not want to screw that up. So we did not hook up until I broke up with Karla.  I didn't want to "cheat" even though I knew we were going to break up.  I felt it would taint the future of anything I could have with Devra.  So I told Devra we should wait.  I thought we were cool.

Welp, that plan backfired on me. Devra must have been upset because Devra told Dan and Dan told Greg and Greg told whoever and then the next thing I know, I'm living alone in Manhattan without a friend. That hurt my feelings.

Being alone was not unfamiliar ground.  My brother died when I was 3 and my sister is 6 years younger than me and she's schizophrenic.  I'm accustomed to being alone.  But this was different.  This felt like it was I screwed things up yet at the same time, I knew it did not do anything wrong. I felt betrayed. 

This is the Ace Hotel in New York City hotel where we lived for a month.  Check this out. The Ace Hotel has a Martin Guitar in every  room.  I always travel with a Martin Guitar that my father gave me in 2000.  So for the past 20 years, I have carried it by my side on my travels wherever I go.  We actually had two Martin guitars in our room at the Ace Hotel.  It was pretty awesome. 

For the record, I'm married to a sex worker and we have no kids.  We've only been married once, never divorced.  We have what you would call an open marriage, obviously. I was brought up conservatively.  She was raised without. lot of money and joined the US Air Force. I was the one guy who always had a long term relationship.  My wife opened my eyes to a whole new world of experiences.